Choices

When I was a young man, I had rare moments which I spent with my great grandfather. One of the most vivid things that I remember about him is that he never touched food with his hands. He always used a fork or a spoon. This gesture always made me sit by him as he took his meals. Another thing that I found intriguing was the long, grey beard that he wore and which was combed to the details. At that age, and owing to the fact that men are considered color blind, I could not differentiate between grey and white. Little did I know that it would cause me problems in school. I once received a spanking at school for an innocent answer when I filled a gap with ‘my great grandfather’s beards’ to a question which sought a comparison of whatever known whiter than snow. I wear beards for the simple reason that is inexplicable. Wait a minute! A simple reason which cannot be explained? Yes. Only complex and mystical facts need the arduous task of making them simpler. That aside, my great grandfather shared truths which incited the insights for this article.
In the previous article, we saw how needs and wants are interchangeably confused. However, at any given point in life of man, he will be in a certain need or want. The incompleteness will always linger over man’s existence. On daily basis, man will be called upon by the irresistible and irreplaceable superior force which will compel him to make a choice of one thing over the other possible options. However, there will always be consequences which will either be immediate or will be felt later. The convolution of life faces man because he is forced to be responsible for whatever that will be borne by the choice he made earlier. Another absurdity that comes along with the choices that man makes is when there seems to be a sequence, some kind of series how things come to be and the repercussions that are left.
To understand the dilemma that we face as human beings when it comes to distinguishing what we need from the temporal desires of want, let us use one of the practical examples. Man is a social being and he can only be defined in, with and by society. John Mbiti’s maxim, ‘I am because we are’, can only be expressed explicitly within the context of the society. The institution that makes the society is marriage or rather family. Fast forward. Out of the many possible spouses that one can get, he or she narrows down to one (for monogamous setup). The ‘reasons’ why others do not qualify are not distinct because the aspect of perfection, for me is utopic; far-fetched. That which stands out as the most dominant determining factor is ‘love’. The ceremonies and all that surrounds the union are performed and a unit of a society is born. As we have all witnessed, there are those who cheat on their spouses immediately while some wait a little bit longer. This leaves me wondering why, if it was love, why cheat? Is it not an expression that people do not marry for love and companion? Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher, believed that people rushed to choose the spouses simply by being clouded by infatuation and the ardent desire to sire progenies; and only when they thought the chosen spouse would contribute the attributes they would love to see in their children at the expense of compatibility.
Why is it that after coitus, one is left with an intense and unfathomable feeling of emptiness and nothingness? Sigmund Freud believed that sex is the most dominating power that drives human beings; that everything culminates with and or in intimacy. Though it may not be explicit, but the underlying motivating force has the shreds of sexual drive. Is intimacy a need, a want or a right? Schopenhauer believed that if you take away the sexual relation from the persons who believe to be in love, there is a higher possibility that there might be contempt and hate. For him, happiness is preceded by after coital emptiness which leaves one sad rather than happy; contrary to what was initially sought before and during the coital moments. He sarcastically puts it that ‘after copulation, devil’s laughter is heard.’ Is this true? Leave a comment at the comment section below.
There is only one thing that can save man. I agree with what my great grandfather suggested to be the remedy for the problems troubling man. In order for man to ensnare the snare that he is in, he must…
©James Kanogo Maina, 2019.